Homesick

January 3, 2012 at 1:07 pm Leave a comment

I always thought it was wierdly annoying that “seasick” and “carsick” mean the same thing but homesick means the opposite. For the longest time ever, I was a confused child 😛

Anyway, I was at my aunt’s house for the past couple of days for winter break and I wanna go home. Don’t get me wrong. It’s fun at my aunt’s house. My two little cutie cousins keep the humorous tactics going all the time, then they also get in trouble. My aunt teaches me how to cook delish dishes and it’s amazing. But I don’t know why I get homesick easily. I love the warmth of my room with its soft golden light (i hate white light) and my computer (actually my brother’s computer that i took over) and the sunlight streaming through the windows on the days that I stay awake after Fajr. I love seeing my family members even if I’m not cheery with all of them.

No matter where in the world I go, give me 5 days max and then I go crazy if I don’t go home. Even when I go to my mom’s house or my cousins’ houses, I have a lot of fun. They’re some of the people I can’t live without, but after 5 days or so, I start getting cranky. Then, I start evaluating my crankiness. Sometimes it’s due to low Iman, but then again, the Battle of the Iman Boost is always on in the heart of every vigilant Muslim. So, after evaluating my crankiness, I realize that it’s time for me to go home. In a way, I’m actually glad this homesickness exists since women in Islam are meant to be more comfortable in their homes than anywhere else, even more than the masjid.

It’s an hour after I prayed Fajr right now, then I decided to learn the same surah I’ve been trying to memorize for the last 3 days-Al-Munafiqun. For some reason, miracles always happen with me. I’m so grateful to Allah that I always get specific reminders. Allah (SWT) calls the Qur’an Adh-Dhikr (the Reminder) and truly what a timely reminder it is. When I went to Black Friday, I was (at the time) memorizing Surah al-Jumu’ah. When I stumbled upon the following ayaat, I was spelbound.

“O  you  who  have  believed,  when  [the  adhan]  is  called  for  the  prayer  on  the  day  of Jumu’ah  [Friday],  then  proceed  to  the  remembrance  of Allah and  leave  trade.  That  is better  for  you,  if  you  only  knew. And  when  the  prayer  has  been  concluded,  disperse  within  the  land  and  seek  from  the bounty  of Allah ,  and  remember Allah often  that  you  may  succeed. But  when  they  saw  a  transaction  or  a  diversion,  [O  Muhammad],  they  rushed  to  it  and left  you  standing.  Say,  “What  is  with Allah is  better  than  diversion  and  than  a transaction,  and Allah is  the  best  of  providers.” (62:9-11)

Allah (SWT) was talking to me and giving me a message. He was telling me not to forget the Salah because of “trade” (shopping) and that what Allah has as a reward for the believers is much better than what this dunya can offer. We were shopping and then I realized it’s Jumu’ah so we can probabaly stop by in a masjid and pray. I was thinking about how amazing it would be to go listen to a Khutbah and pray in the house of Allah after so much wordly activity a.k.a shopping. My cousins and I ended up going to Shirley Gate Masjid, where smart little me led us up to the women’s prayer hall through the men’s area. It was so embarrassing.

Well, this morning I had another miracle happen to me. Last night, I was feeling homesick and low on Iman so I was getting restless in the middle of the night. I decided to pray but I ended up just making du’a. I made random du’a and then one for Fajr. I asked Allah to wake me up for Fajr and MAKE ME PRAY it on time. and that’s exactly what happened. I woke up to the sound of the Fajr (computerized)adhan but my eyes were droopy and I fell asleep and I was aware that it was Fajr time but I didn’t force myself to get up. About 20 minutes later, my aunt came and woke me up.

SubhanAllah! I’ve heard in lectures that if you really want to pray Fajr, make du’a before you sleep so Allah can help you get up. For me, that’s not enough. From this morning’s experience (and a few others as well), I have come to learn that just opening my eyes at Fajr time is not enough. I need Allah to make me get up and pray on time before the sun comes out. It’s particularly hard for me to wake up for Fajr because I sometimes have insomnia. My thoughts keep swirling around in my head and don’t let me free. Seriously, I literally have to tell myself “okay, sleep, sleep.” It’s hilarious sometimes. 

Anyways, today I’m going home insha’Allah. I have to use the valuable time of winter break to clean up my room and the bathroom and make them sparkly clean. I love it when I clean my room because it makes me feel accomplished. I know, I’m lame but hey, even my dad appreciates it when I clean my room because he says it looks homey and comfortable and a place where someone would wanna hang out. Today’s Tuesday and on Friday starts the next Al-Maghrib seminar-Collector’s Edition: Sahih Bukhari by Ustadh Yasir Qadhi. This is the first time I’m only half excited for an Al-Maghrib class. It’s because of all that mind-boggling and brain-eating affair of trying to find out whether Yasir Qadhi is a mubtadi and a deviant or simply a Salaf who has done some mistakes in Ijtihaad regarding who treaties should be made with and who has some things wrong with his ‘Aqeedah. Allahu a’lam. I don’t even have the nerve to call him “shaykh” anymore, so I’m sticking with “ustadh.” I’m going to his class because he is supposedly very knowledgable in Bukhari and I hope I can block out his thoughts if he says anything suspicious. I even did Istikharah for this class but my results are 3-5 at the moment (i’ve been noting the pros and cons and the cons are more). By Friday, I’ll see what happens insha’Allah.

I don’t wanna get depressed over this salaf vs.non-salaf issue all over again. So for now, I’ll focus on happy thoughts like cleaning my room and listening to lectures by Br. Abu Mussab and finishing Al-Munafiqun.

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What I learned today: The Truth About the Whole “Salaf” Methodology

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